the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize