please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
