Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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