I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am one with the molecules
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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