My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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