Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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