No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
