my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
