One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
