if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
