The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
