Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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