ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
