I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
