if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
