The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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