We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
