i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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