Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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