I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
