Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
