During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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