are you still at the devil's house?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
