Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
