i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
