first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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