he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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