i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
