There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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