You work out of a Hotel?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Randomize
