My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
