God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
