I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
