it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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