My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
