wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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