That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
