Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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