I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
