when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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