My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
