cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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