the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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