I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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