just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
