just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
