Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
