Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
