i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
