All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
