what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
