Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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