Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
