Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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