The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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