Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
