true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
