dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
