Banned from zoo.
Again?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My vagina is officially offended.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
