have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
