great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
