who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
