best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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