why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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