Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize