You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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