Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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