I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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