Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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