If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
