He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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