Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
