Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
