I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
