I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
