He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were destined to go to rehab together
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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