cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
