An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
